Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: What's Wrong With Valkyrie?
by ValkyrieCain4Ever
Summary: So this is what happens when Valkyrie accidentally goes dumb. This is the second story I have ever written! Please comment if you like!


Valkyrie Cain was recovering from yet another fight. She was sitting up in a white hospital bed in Kenspeckle Grouse's Science-Magical Facility.

Skulduggery Pleasant was sitting next to her in a chair. Suddenly, Clarabelle, Kenspeckle's assistant, came in with a dazed expression.

Clarabelle wasn't exactly the brightest person, but she was still nice. She was carrying a strange clear bubbly liquid.

"Hi!" said Clarabelle brightly. "The Professor told me to give you this before you go."

"Okay," said Valkyrie, taking the small cup and drinking it in one gulp. Suddenly everything went black.

Valkyrie suddenly fainted, "Valkyrie?" said Skulduggery getting up and shaking her shoulder. "Valkyrie? Wake up, Valkyrie!"

Valkyrie woke as suddenly as she had passed out.

Her eyes opened and she squealed, "Cantaloupe!"

"Huh?"

Valkyrie grabbed Skulduggery's head and bit into it. "Bad cantaloupe!" She cried and started to whack his head against the bedside table; Skulduggery grabbed his head and put it back on.

Valkyrie looked up and saw Skulduggery's necktie. She grabbed it and ripped off his neck, rolled it into a little ball and stuffed it into Skulduggery's right eye socket, then squealed in happiness.

She grabbed Skulduggery's jacket, pulled it off of him and curled up in it. But when Skulduggery tried to take it back Valkyrie hissed and cried, "Hippie!" then bolted toward the door. But Skulduggery grabbed her before she could get out of the room. When he turned her around, he looked into Valkyrie's eyes and saw something he had never seen before: stupidity.

She continued to scrabble at the air towards the door. Then she stomped on Skulduggery's foot, and when he let go of her arm to grab his foot. She ran away down the hall and took a left. Right towards where Kenspeckle was. "Valkyrie!" He roared.

She snuck right up behind Kenspeckle and she slowly, quietly took off her shoe and shoved her shoe into his face and said, "Taste my cheese!"

Kenspeckle gagged in disgust as the shoe was shoved into his mouth as Valkyrie squealed, "you like my leaf!"

She scurried off down the hallway.

A few minutes later Skulduggery appeared in the doorway. He saw Kenspeckle gagging; Skulduggery cocked his head as Kenspeckle picked up what appeared to be one of Valkyrie's boots. He chucked the shoe not realizing Skulduggery was standing in the doorway.

He ducked just as the boot sailed over his head, hit the wall and fell to the floor.

Meanwhile…..

Valkyrie ran down the hallway and saw a door open. She squealed and said in a whispering, excited tone. "Candle jug!" She zoomed into the room and closed the door by throwing random things and barricading it.

Valkyrie looked around and saw gallons of medicine. "Ohhhhhhhh…." She happily grabbed one and poured the cold liquid down her back then said, "sheeeeeep!" while her eyes crossed.

She grabbed another and said; "I'm going to eat nummy!" she started playing with the jug holding it above her head. The cap popped off and the medicine poured all over her hair and trickled down her body.

Back with Skulduggery and Kenspeckle…..

"What," said Skulduggery, "was that?" Kenspeckle looked up at Skulduggery and said flatly, "taste my cheese."

Skulduggery got back up slowly, "are you feeling okay Professer?"

"Taste my cheese," he said again.

"What?"

"You like my leaf."

"Okay, you are freaking me out now," he slowly backed away.

Suddenly Kenspeckle grabbed Skulduggery's wrist and whispered, "Come here closer skeleton I have a secret to tell you."

Skulduggery tentatively leaned closer. "Taste my cheese," Kenspeckle whispered hoarsely. "There's your cheese." He then pointed to Valkyrie's boot.

"Go on taste it," he said.

"Um…. Kenspeckle in case you forgot, I am a skeleton. I cannot taste anymore."

Kenspeckle walked over to Valkyrie's boot and grabbed it then returned to Skulduggery.

"I had to taste it, it's your turn whether you like it or not." Kenspeckle shoved it in between Skulduggery's two jaws.

"Like it?" Asked Kenspeckle and he walked away.

As soon as Kenspeckle was out of sight, Skulduggery spat out the boot and called Tanith Low for help.

Meanwhile….

The room was a yard high in medicine. Valkyrie had poured out all of the medicine and was squealing joyfully.

She had just poured out a gallon of dewormer for pets and glugged down some inpectin (induces vomiting).

She splashed around the medicine gleefully, drinking the medicine thinking it was bath water.

Suddenly she saw something glimmering; she swam over and grabbed it. "Ooooooohhhhhhhhh….." she then noticed that there was a cork on the bottle. Valkyrie opened it and drank it. Her scalp felt tingly. "Ooooooohhhhhh…" She decided to go and find Skulduggery.

Valkyrie crawled through an air vent, she had forgotten where the door was, and walked down the hallway.

She saw him with Tanith. "Hiiiiii….. Skulduggery and Tanith,"

They both looked over at her and saw her hair. "HOLY CRAP!" cried Tanith, covering her mouth with her hand; her eyes were huge.

Skulduggery just stood there.

"What?" asked Valkyrie stupidly. "Is my monkey a pillow?"

"Your hair is changing colors like a rainbow!" cried Tanith.

"Afro!" Valkyrie threw her arms in the air.

Kenspeckle walked down the hallway, seeming to be back to normal. He was carrying a small cup of a purplish liquid,

"I found out what happened," he said joining them. "Clarabelle accidentally gave Valkyrie the wrong medicine and caused her intelligence level to drop to that of a two-year-old; or as I like to call it, lint. But this should fix her. Now come on Valkyrie be a good girl and take you medicine."

"NO! Medicine tastes icky!" She was now running around in circles with her arms out.

"Here," Skulduggery took the cup. "Valkyrie, here's some fruit punch."

"Ohhh…. Fruit punch!" She ran over and grabbed the cup than glugged it down.

"Blech! Punch tastes icky!" Then she passed out.

Valkyrie woke up and groaned. She was wet and sticky, and had one boot missing and her scalp was tingly.

"What happened?" She mumbled.

Valkyrie slowly stood up.

"I don't feel so good," she moaned then puked all over Skulduggery.


End file.
